Have you ever seen a manual for setting kids’ play-dates? It doesn’t exist. Yet, play-dates are essential for kids to get more comfortable in the new school setting and get to know their peers better. Parents are often at a loss when it comes not only to finding the right time and place, but also the logistics of it. Let’s make it easy:
Waiting period
It’s a good idea to let the kids adjust to the new school and classmates. Don’t rush to set the play-date right away. The adjustment to school, of course, is a personal thing. “There are no hard and fast rules about how long to wait before inviting a potential friend for your child on a play-date,” says Dr. Anita Ede, Assistant Professor of Early Childhood Education at Northeastern State University in Oklahoma. “A shy child may need several weeks to warm up to their new surroundings and feel comfortable playing with other children in the classroom. A more outgoing child may jump right in and begin to play with others almost immediately.” This waiting period also allows your child to become more familiar with his/her peers. “I have waited a month before setting play-dates because I need to learn who my children like and how often they talk about the child,” says Kristen Stevens, a mom of two and Designer/Founder of Cute Beltz. “If they call the child their friend, then I will make an effort to talk to the Mom or parent who picks them up. Â If I feel comfortable I will invite them over, otherwise we go to the park.”
Look for logical play-friends
Before you set off calling other parents, talk to your child about the kids he/she likes most at school. You can figure this out by the time they spend together, similar tastes or repeated mention in a conversation. “Listen carefully to see if your child mentions playing with anyone in particular. This could be a clear indication of a budding friendship which can be cultivated by setting up a play-date,” says Dr. Ede. “Your child’s responses may offer some clues as to who to invite for a play-date.” Nannies4hire.com recommends making sure all the play-date friends are compatible and get along well.
One on one or a group play-date?
In the beginning, start small, meaning a one on one play-date. “Preschool and kindergarten age children have short attention spans and are easily overwhelmed in new and unfamiliar situations,” says Dr. Ede, “It will be much easier for them to get to know one another in a one-on-one play situation.” Kristen Stevens agrees: “If at house, I usually do a 1-1 play-date. Â I always have the parent stay, so I can get to know them and I want the child to feel comfortable.” Getting to know other parents is a great way to make new school friends and a good support network for future play-dates, emergencies, social connections.
Location: where to meet
Your home/backyard may be a logical meet-up place but there are a few other factors to consider. Nannies4hire.com lists a few of them as commute time, ease of supervision, attractiveness to kids, transportation options and responsibilities. Your home may not always be the best alternative for other parents and kids. Dr. Ede recommends meeting on neutral territory: “Pre-school and kindergarten age children are not very good sharers – especially if they do not know one another well. Therefore, it is much better to meet in a neutral zone at the beginning. When my own children were young and attended a half day pre-school, play-dates consisted of lunch at a fast food restaurant followed by thirty minutes of play at a nearby park. For children who attend a full day program, you might consider visiting a nearby playground after school and bringing a snack and drink to share picnic-style before they play.” This may also take some pressure off other parents who may not want to have a reciprocal play-date in their home, but rather continue meeting outside.
Have a plan
Babies can fend for themselves at play-dates, in the sense of playing with the nearest rattle or observing their surroundings. At the pre-walker age, the play-dates are more for parents than for kids. Preschoolers and kindergarteners need some structure, so it’s wise to plan some activities or a destination play-date that will encourage play. It could be sports, playing on the playground, going to a museum, to name a few. “When children are unfamiliar with one another, they may not know what they want to do,” explains Dr. Ede.”It is helpful if you have planned an activity for them to do as well as a snack to share. Once the ice is broke, they will usually come up with plenty of play ideas!” Make sure you include all attending parents/caregivers in the planning. Nannies4hire.com says you need to check if other parents prefer physically active, or more educational activities, or perhaps there are limitations due to physical conditions or allergies. This is why food/drinks should be part of your playmate plan – consider allergies, kosher preferences, vegetarians & vegans.
How long is a play-date?
Home play-date can turn lengthy quickly. Especially after a school day. Plan for a few hours at the most, and less for younger preschoolers. “Pre-school and kindergarten age children tire quickly and happy play with a new friend can quickly turn into bickering and tears.", states Dr. Ede. One to one-and-a-half hours are long enough for a home based play-date. It is better to part on a positive note with children asking for more time together than bored with each other and asking to go home.” Park play-dates combine the benefits of time spent outdoors with the ease of playing, so if you are looking for more time, head outside.
