Working Mom, Stay-at-Home Mom, Happy Mom
Most working women are faced with tough choices whether to return to work or not and on what conditions when the baby is 6 or 8 weeks old. This is probably one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make, but there are a few ways to make this situation easier. I too had to make my decision – I stayed home for as long as I could, I went back to work doing 3 days in the office and 2 days virtually (thanks to our digital age). Through this ordeal I used almost every tip listed below and in the end figured out my joy was being home with the baby all the time and pursuing my passion for writing. This keeps me close to the business and the sweet little face that is the reason to live for. I am amazed how much progress women have achieved; and yet we are faced with a lot of the same choices as years back. Whether it’s money, career, or plain social interaction, work is also an important part of our lives. I did a lot of research because I wanted to make the choice that was best for everyone, and I am happy to share my findings with you.
Plan for extra time
Most employers with a company of 15+ will offer a paid medical leave (pregnancy is classified as medical disability) with all your benefits maintained – 6 weeks for a routine delivery and 8 weeks old in case of a c-section.
Before you deliver, count and save your sick, vacation and personal days, so you can tag them on top of your leave. In many cases this will give you almost a month extra.
Know your laws
Get educated about laws in your state. Talk to your co-workers, your union, your boss, go online. There is a national law, passed in 1993, called FMLA (The Family & Medical Leave Act) that works for companies with at least 50 workers. FMLA offers eligible employees (employed for at least 12 months and completing at least 1250 hours) to take off up to 12 work weeks of unpaid leave in any 12 month period for the birth or adoption of a child. FMLA does not have to be consecutive – thus allowing you the option to work on a part-time schedule. But FMLA helps you maintain your benefits, but you will have to cover your medical insurance costs (that typically just come out of your paycheck). In some cases, your employer will allow you to add FMLA on top of your medical leave. The positives are you can stay with the baby longer, you are still covered by medical insurance, and you keep your job (or a similar position by law). The negatives are you are not bringing a paycheck and your baby is still very small when you come back. Note: not all companies will allow you to take the additional unpaid leave, so plan this in advance and talk to your HR team before you go into labor. You are required to give 30 days notice on your decision to take FMLA. Be prepared with a plan of action when do talk to your HR and supervisor about your leave.
Many spouses can also take some time off (paid or non-paid FMLA leave depending on the employer), so this can help extend the time spent with the baby and postpone daycare or nanny. I am just going to assume that as a Mom you will want to spend more time with the baby, so my advice is plan your time off. Once you are working, you can still spend some quality time with the little one in the morning, at night or even during the day if your employer has on-site daycare. While you are not working, stay in touch with your colleagues and know what is happening while you are away. When you do come back, if you do, keep baby conversations to a reasonable level – not everyone will share your consistent excitement about the new baby. Bring any pictures or other reminders of the baby that help you feel better.
Negotiate the schedule
Perhaps you decided to come back and you took as much time as you could. It’s crunch time. If you are a valuable worker, your employer will try to accommodate your wishes – they have waited long enough. You have a couple of options.
First, if finances allow, try part-time. In most cases, however, you will not qualify for medical insurance. Working part-time will allow you to keep your foot in the door, make some money, get a little social interaction and still spend half of the week with the baby. One of the challenges is finding care for your baby – majority of daycare centers will not do part-time guaranteed care on specific days for infants. Nanny or babysitter is always an option – but you will have to do more research and it will be more costly – this will offer less company for your baby but more individual attention.
Second, negotiate working full time but spending a few days in the office and a few days working from home. Telecommuting is becoming more and more common and many companies are doing it. Of course, this depends on the nature of your work – if you are a nurse, working from home is not an option. You should prepare your case and put it in writing to your supervisor or HR. Outline all the specifics – what days you plan to work from home, how you will do it successfully (who will be watching the baby when you work at home) and how you plan to remain productive (what the advantages are for you working from home). Once you work out a plan and put it in action, make sure you stick to it exactly and note all the successes along the way and remind your supervisors about these. This kind of arrangement is rarely permanent, so plan your next step in advance.
A few good alternatives in between part-time and full-time are job sharing and flex schedule. When you do job share, another employee splits the hours, paycheck and benefits with you. When you elect a flexible schedule, you still have to put in 40 hours a week but you decide which hours.
Perhaps, you skip your lunch and cut out of work earlier. Both of these options require tolerant management.
Stay virtual
Working from home may get so cozy that you’d like to keep it virtual full time. If your company doesn’t appreciate the idea, perhaps there are others. A simple search on the Internet for moms working from home will yield many results – just beware of any schemes or promises that are too good to be true. Another option is starting your own business – jewelry making, writing, web design, catering are some ideas to get you started.
Telecommuting, though producing income, however, will not mean you are spending a ton of time with the baby. You may have to work during baby nap times (and they will get shorter as time goes by), before and after your day starts. You may have (or need) to hire a babysitter for the time you are working. The success of this arrangement truly depends on how organized you are. A good schedule, flexibility and positive attitude are keys to your success.
Stay home and stay connected
You may be on a great career track and it is too hard to stop even for a while. But did you ever consider the Mom job? You are the CEO, the assistant, the little bee worker, the entertainer, the gourmet chef, the librarian, and so much more. Yes, it does not bring in a paycheck but it does offer an opportunity to spend more time with your baby and mold a human being. It is the most gratifying experience you will ever have. I have nothing against daycare – it is an excellent option for most people, but it may be costly and no one will watch your baby with the same amount of patience that you will.
If you plan to continue your career a few years down the road, make sure you stay connected to your business. Join local or national associations that will keep you in the loop on the latest developments and in touch with your peers. You can also find online groups specific to your industry. Be realistic – things will change while you are a stay-at-home mom. However, with enough perseverance and consistent networking you can get back into the workforce later after you spend the time you need with the baby. To paraphrase an old saying, jobs come and go but your child is yours forever.
How to make back-to-work mornings easier
- Make the next day’s lunches the night before. When you make dinners, prepare enough to be used in variations throughout the week (see ideas on Food Network’s “Quick Fix Meals” with Robin Miller), or make one big dish and freeze the rest. This way, you will cook less and spend more time with your family at night time.
- Get up 30 minutes earlier than you need to. Admit it, you are not getting enough sleep anyway, so what is 30 extra minutes? But in the morning the extra time will work wonders when you can’t drag kids out of bed, the toast is burned or you need to find a new outfit to wear.
- Look up the weather and traffic on TV or the web first thing in the morning – you will know how to dress everyone and when to go on the road.
- Be prepared that for young toddlers saying goodbye will be hard at first. Never sneak out, or they won’t trust you. Explain that you are going to work and you will be back soon.
There may be tears but they will likely stop soon, if you did enough research on your daycare provider. This is another reason to get out of bed a little earlier. - Stock all the bags the night before and leave them by the door, so everything is ready.
